Carry Me Away

"Are God's consolations not enough for you, words spoken gently to you? Why has your heart carried you away and why do your eyes flash so that you vent your rage against God and pour out such words from your  mouth?" -Eliphaz

The strength is on me, but I've fallen too far.  My wits have never been sharper and yet all these clear and concise lines of human wisdom swim around in my head, each distorting the other. I can see nothing to be fully true or false. This would all be so much simpler if I could just convince myself to be an agnostic.
Meanwhile I've pulled everything in this world apart to see how it all works, even my own befuddled mind. This insatiable search for the exhaustive answer leaves the world cold and dark. Even the clouds are giving away to these bright evening stars. They shine like gods, and they are far away like any god must be. It's not to be wondered at that so many different nations have taken to worshiping them at different points of history. But do they hear my song? Do you hear my desperate song? They don't reply, gods never do.
So why am I still praying to them? I've prayed to pagan gods and searched the stars for signs but none of it is fulfilling, and none of it has made a difference. There was a time when I thought that the right philosophy would solve every puzzle. Then there was a time when I was convinced that scientific exploration would answer every question. Yes, I've been at it late into the night to find something satisfying. I've studied life and death and planted seeds in time.
Still everything feels wrong. Do you hear my desperate song?

Carry me away on your blind faith before I get carried away with my studies. Or is it too late?
Even these overlapping patterns have turned chaotic. Everything is circulating.
Now is it all just useless love and hating? Is life a sham? Is purpose a ghost? Is it in all triviality that we learn to despise Adolf Hitler and champion Abraham Lincoln?
Carry me away with your illogical love before I get carried away by my despair.
I've found so many facts and so many perspectives, but nothing here can stop the aching.
I don't even know if I exist.
But if this heart is true, then it must be breaking.

Mythology, scientific understanding; neither seems objectively better than the other. Can all this chemistry explain away the fight we all face? Does Darwinism give an explanation for self-examination? Or is mythology the only hope for light? Must we die on our blind beliefs about what gave us life and knowledge? I've seen Prometheus make fools of scientists. But in the end he's no good. He does his dance with the animals beneath him and then disappears into the smoke of soberness. And our self-righteous descendants will be left to wonder how we could have been so foolish to believe such nonsense.

Do you hear my song? Does anyone hear my song? If a man prays and God does not exist to hear it, does his soul make a sound?

I don't even know if I exist. But one thing I do know.
If this heart is true, then it must be breaking.